Have you broken his trust? Have you tried to Baby Trap him? Did you sleep with someone else? Have you lied to him? Whatever you did, it was obviously bad enough for him to not trust you. But there is hope! Trust in a relationship can be won back, and he can learn to love you just as deeply as before.
Here are 5 ways to help move things along:
1. Apologize – Sincerely apologize for what you did. You can’t change what you did in the past, but you can change what you plan to do in the future. You need to let him know that you are so very sorry for hurting him. Make it clear that you are sorry for your actions and how they affected him. Some people say sorry, but what they are really saying, is that they are sorry for getting caught. Be sincere in your apology, and let him know it’s all about him and how you made him feel.
2. Ask HIM How to Fix it – Don’t ask your mom, best friend or sister — ask him! He’s the one who’s been hurt, and he’s the only one who can tell you what will make it better. If he’s not forthcoming with ways to make it up to him, offer some suggestions. Even though he may not say much in response, his body language will give you a good indication as to what he is receptive to.
3. Live by Your Actions, Not Your Words – Once you have apologized, make it clear that they are not empty words. For example, if you betrayed his trust by telling his sister private details of your love life, and he has told you that he doesn’t want you talking to her without him around to monitor the conversations, do just that.
Don’t question his requests, regardless of how ridiculous they may appear to you. You did the wrong thing by him. And if he wants you to do something to fix it, (as long as it’s not illegal or abusive), you need to show him you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things right between the two of you. Saying sorry is not enough – show him how sorry you truly are.
4. Seek Professional Help – If this is an issue that is just not going to go away easily, you may need to seek professional help. Seek the help of a relationship counselor, your GP, or another trained professional. However, you both must want the same thing. My friend Caleb tried counseling after his wife cheated on her. But her heart wasn’t in it and they soon split. Unless you are both committed to making it work and overcoming the trust issue, it may be time to let go.
5. Know When Enough is Enough – When do you let go? How do you know when enough is enough? Some people will say that we don’t stick at our relationships like our Grandparents did. Others will say that if he can’t make you happy or trust you, find someone who will.
Only over a period of time can you know when enough is enough. Caleb tried to make his marriage work for over 18 months before he finally left. He couldn’t fully trust her again. But he really wanted it to work. However, she was still having quiet conversations on the side with the man she had the affair with. She was definitely demonstrating that she did not want to put her heart and soul into fixing their relationship issues, which had led him to stray in the first place.
There are many people who have been lied to, had someone try to baby trap them, or had something done to them which broke the trust with their partner. Some will get through it and move on — some will break up and move on to a more trustworthy relationship. But if you follow the advice I have given you, at least you’ll have made a good effort to see if you can get the sparks to fly once again.