For many months now, questions have rolled in from various couples asking for what to do to enjoy maximum sex.  So today, we shall be studying the technicality for maximum sexual enjoyment. Sexual technicality is simply the act of treating your spouse in a very special way during sex to enhance his or passion for sex. In other words, sexual technicality is following a sexual and sensual pattern.

First, there must be a proper preparation if sex must be enjoyed. Careful groundwork is essential; preparation begins long before bedtime as sex starts by breakfast and not by bedtime. The first homework is to settle any known or foreseen quarrel as soon as possible. Get ready for sex with a positive mind-set. Many times, couples find it difficult to have good sex because of life challenges but I have observed that if couples always wait for a perfect life situation for sex, they might not find one. So a positive mind-set for any sexual eventuality is very important.

At any given time, filth, lack of neatness, unclearness and poor sense of orderliness have ruined many anticipated sexual thoughts. You must be neat and clean, and at the same time be seductively attractive and sexually appealing. Oral, armpit, vulva and penis hygiene should be well observed, especially when the penis is uncircumcised. The pubic hair should be well shaved to avoid sharp coarse ends that will cause irritation on the skin of your spouse. As simple as this appears, it has ruined good, passionate sex and made some men to develop quick ejaculation while some wives have to apply hot water for healing. Complete sensitive neatness is one of the guiding rules for successful lovemaking. Much good sex has turned out to be a nightmare just because of some offensive odour from the genitals. Since sometimes sex might be unpredictable, it is important to brush the mouth twice daily especially while retiring at night. This is very important because if there is a need to use your tongue on each other, the mouth must be brushed to prevent infection. Many couples contact some form of toilet disease just from unwashed mouth, because the same bacteria responsible for toilet disease are mostly also found in the mouth.

The bed should be laid with clean or new bed spread. Old, stinking bed spreads are turn off. Get enough privacy; make sure doors are well locked as this prevents the mind from roaming on and off to the door side. At no given time should spouses disapprovingly take off each other’s clothes in an offensive, rough manner. It is important that both husband and wife slowly undress each other. This is an exciting part of the technique and the moment this is well in place, the best part of good groundwork has been achieved. As a matter of fact, these particular habits mostly usher in the love play.

Couples should lay themselves bare to one another by letting their partners know their sensitive areas and point of triggers. For majority of ladies, it is the clitoris, the breast, especially the nipples and let him know that it takes time before your sexual organs respond, especially the clitoris. Make him kiss and use his tongue to caress your breast, your nipples, neck, gently and lovingly, then later your genitals. As this goes on, the nipples get erect and the clitoris increases in size. Caressing should not be done in a hurried way. Take enough time to fully enjoy each other! It is important to understand the timing in lovemaking. There should be a gradual building up and intensifying of emotions and sensations. Do not stop or let up the stimulation once it begins, but continue in an ever-increasing manner of arousal.

Basically, the whole body of a loving couple is an erotic zone. For the man, the nape of the neck, the back of the ear, the breast, the armpit, the navel, the inner parts of the thigh, the groin, the pubic hair, the shaft of the penis and the eye of the penis are their most sensitive areas. All these should be kissed tenderly or caressed gently with the hand and tongue of the wife. If the man’s skin is too dry, you can get a bottle of baby lotion and seductively rub both bodies; it will send sexual signals to the whole body. The female erotic zone include the base of the neck, the base of the hair, the lips, the armpit, the breasts especially the nipples, the tummy, the navel, the inner parts of the thigh, the pubic hair, the clitoris, the lips of the vagina and the inner parts of the vagina.

All these could be tenderly touched and caressed with the man’s hands or the tongue. Caressing various areas of your partner’s body shows an interest in the whole person.

In foreplay, the husband and the wife should talk freely with themselves. They should tell each other what they want. While caressing one another without a rush, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs apart so that the man will be able to gently play with her genitals. As her husband caresses her, she in turn plays with his nipple, the shaft of his penis, the eye of the penis, the scrotum (some men like it when their scrotum is fondled with).

To be continued next week…

Questions and Answers

I can’t differentiate between normal erections and prolonged, painful one

I am 35 years and I recently started having an active sex life after a long abstinence from sex due to my profession (I am a professional boxer, and as a professional boxer, there are times you have to abstain from sex for many months or sometimes a whole year). But my challenge now is, it seems that I can’t differentiate between normal erection and prolonged, painful one. I am not sure if I ejaculate either. How long is it before the average man ejaculates during sexual intercourse? At times, I get so confused I don’t understand my body at all, I sometimes take lots of alcohol to stay longer during sex but even at that, my system seems to have broken down. I am in a dilemma. Can you help?

Derin Morris

That is what happens when one alters a normal body working system. It took you some years to get into this mess, you have to take things easy and work towards an ideal body-working-pattern so as to gradually get things stabilised again.  An erection begins in the brain. Physical and/or mental stimulation causes the nerves in the brain to send chemical messages to nerves in the penis telling the penile blood vessels to relax so that blood can flow freely into the penis. Once in the penis, high pressure traps the blood within the tissue of the penis. This causes the penis to expand and sustain an erection. When you turn off this process, you alter normal erection. A normal ejaculation is triggered when the man reaches a critical level of excitement. Ejaculation is also altered in you because you choose not to allow any form of excitement at all which now affects the average ejaculation minutes. All things being equal, an average man ejaculates within 9.6 to 15.5 minutes. To make the situation worse, you consume lots of alcohol which you have to stop immediately. Alcohol does not assist in prolonged ejaculation; rather it undermines the quality of your ejaculation and staying on power. What alcohol does is that it helps you get a quick feel or arousal and shortly afterwards drops down your energy and competency.

I wet my pant at the slightest moment

This is not only alarming but humiliating. At my age (40), I suddenly wet my pant, boxers, even my trouser at any slight moment. The shocking part of the whole scenario is that I even pee into my wife’s vagina immediately after I ejaculate if I do not hastily remove my penis. I am healthy with no negative medical condition but for the past five months now, I have been experiencing this embarrassing situation. When I drink less, it reduces. I am not diabetic; why should this be?

Ete Aniete Okon

This may be a situation of male incontinence that may be as a result of some medical conditions such as enlarged prostate, diabetes, and Parkinson’s disease. Sometimes, it can develop for reasons we don’t completely understand, like “overactive bladder.” This is a situation when bending, lifting, or coughing can put pressure on the bladder and triggers leaking. Sometimes, it can be caused by the bladder contracting when it shouldn’t. This triggers a sudden and overwhelming need to urinate. Actually, cutting back on fluid intake during the day and a few hours before bedtime and not drinking caffeine, soda and other carbonated drinks will help a lot especially staying off alcohol, this is because alcohol is a diuretic; it makes one  urinate more. There may be a need for you to adjust your diet and stay off spicy or acidic foods, chocolate and artificial sweeteners. Then it is important to train your bladder. Visit the bathroom every half hour to urinate, whether you feel the urge to urinate or not. Try keeping a record of how much you drink and how often you urinate for a few days. Then try and take note of any leaking, along with anything you drink. Kegel exercises can help boost the strength of pelvic muscles that help your bladder to hold urine. In spite all these, there is a need for you to get your prostrate checked by a medical doctor. Sometimes, male prostrate starts developing from the age of 40.

Kindly help me out

My husband thinks I am superstitious but the fact still remains that this thing is happening to me. Whenever we make love, I sneeze so profusely, especially when the light is on. For me to enjoy sex, we have to put off the light like two hours before sex and make sure everywhere is fully ventilated. If not, as soon as he penetrates, I start sneezing heavily. He said maybe I am ‘ogbanje.’ Do you think so?

No! You are neither an ‘ogbanje’ nor superstitious. The truth of the matter is workout may make some people to sneeze and sex is a powerful work. It happens more often than we might think. Researchers believe that the stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system fires off signals in some people to not only enjoy the act of sex, but to sneeze when it’s over. Besides, exercise can make some people sneeze; this is because we hyperventilate when we’re over-exerted. As a result, your nose and mouth start to dry up. Funny, sunshine may make some people sneeze; this is because bright sunlight causes one out of three people to sneeze. Sneezing is an important part of the immune process; it helps keep us healthy and it protects our body by clearing the nose of bacteria and viruses. But you can stop sneezing by trying to breathe through your mouth and pinch the end of your nose.

Grapefruit versus hypertension

I am hypertensive but it has been put under control. But each time I add grapefruit to my diet, I react and feel funny. Is there a reason for this?

Yes, it may be surprising, but foods can affect how our medicine works. That’s why it’s always best to ask your doctor or pharmacist if you should avoid any foods. If you take medicine for high blood pressure, anxiety, or insomnia, grapefruit juice may interact with your drugs. But because you still need your vitamin C and potassium, you can replace grapefruits with oranges and limes.

 

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