A young bride (Mary) sat beside her bed crying as she does not really feel the marriage as her husband is not behaving like an extremely gentle man. Mr Fola their neighbor is so caring towards his wife and will not make her go through 10% of the hurdles she goes through. Her husband walked up to her and asked, “Baby, what is wrong again? You know I don’t like to see you cry.”

Mary sobbed, “Why? Why? Why can’t you be a gentle man? Why can’t you be like Mr Fola?”

Chuks laughed and said, “But you would have married Mr Fola now?” He then remembered it was not a joking time and said, “I’m sorry” I didn’t mean that.

Mary was used to this as such keeps re-occurring.

The truth is this, ‘The only one who can be like Mr Fola is Mr Fola. Humans are different so is every marriage. I am not my brother and my brother is not me. Couples should always know that marriage is work and it takes two to make it work. Comparing your spouse sets your marriage back and does not help your marriage.

We do see excellent virtues in other people that we also hope to see in our spouses. Some couples have worked out their marriage to build such virtues and to appreciate same. Work on yours! If there be virtues you admire in your spouse, get on your kneels and pray for such in your spouse. We can be envious enough to let God work great virtues in our spouses. Our major work is to make our spouse become that great man/woman people will admire. Instead of complaining, pray for your partner’s weakness and seek how you can help him/her overcome it.

Secondly, you need to let your spouse know the things to work on but this can be expressed in a way in which your spouse feels special. For a man whose wife keeps the room scattered, you can say ‘My love, you are so beautiful and make me always glad about marrying you. Just wishing to see this room always beautiful like you and I come back from work to say, ‘Wow… this room and my wife are two inseparably beautiful piece. Ask me what you want even to the half of my kingdom and I will give it to you.’ We must be creative at changing our spouses because people change. Your spouse will not make the change in one week or a month. But with consistent creativity and love, your spouse will be the special woman you dreamt of.

Thirdly, a godly atmosphere is an absolute changer. God’s word is a miracle and where His word is, there is power. Power to heal, change and deliver. Saturate your home with the word and prayers. Speak and prophesy the opposite of what you see. Pick the word that pertains to such issue and speak it into your spouse’s life. Declare ‘My spouse is not easily angered, my spouse is filled with love and forgives easily. My spouse is changed by the word and moves from glory to glory. My spouse is conformed to the image and likeness of God. My spouse is beautiful to look upon. As I speak into the ears of God so shall my spouse be. My spouse lives in authority and not in anger.’ Pray and declare the combinations of God into the atmosphere. Negate the initial codes around your spouse by programming new codes into the spirit.

Lastly, tell your spouse about what you see as regards the changes you see. One important thing is to pray for your spouse but most importantly is to make him/her know you are praying for him/her. Let your spouse know the things you pray concerning him/her. Confess this same words to him/her while making him/her feel like a king/queen.


What you must never do in the process

  • Never compare your spouse with someone else
  • Never tell your friends about your spouse’s weakness
  • Never tell your children about your spouse’s failure
  • Never speak negatively on the issues already discussed with God
  • Never doubt the reality of victory over your spouse’s weakness
  • Never get mad when your spouse’s response is not suitable


People change. I have changed in specific areas of my life after I got married. Your spouse too can change.

‘Dare Shokunbi